Why?
Why did our paths intersect?
When?
When did I allow you to come inside my safe zone?
How?
How did things get to be this way?
What?
What are you going to do to make up for it, and why do I hope you will, though I know you won’t?
Where?
Where will I be when you realize you really do need me?
I was perfectly content with my life the way I’d always known it… practically a recluse. I was okay with just going through life as the person who had a few friends, a couple people she’d hang out with on a hot summer night. I was fine with not having someone who I confided in or felt like I needed to call on a regular basis. But then, for the sake of my one true love, I made myself become the friendly person. I forced myself to be okay with opening my home and my world to you. Although it took a lot of work for me, I became alright with you constantly needing every ounce of attention on you. I realized that I’m the type of person who gives and you are the type of person who takes. That’s just the way the cards were dealt, and I accepted playing the hand. I don’t know when it happened, but I woke up one day and you were a selfish, arrogant child. Either I’d been walking around with my head up my ass or you were really good at manipulating the people around you. I hate to give you that much credit, and I hate to think I was fooled by the likes of you, but I also know that I was trying to give you the benefit of the doubt. It took me a while to stop feeling sorry for you. Every single time something slightly this side of right went down, I was there listening, giving advice, letting you cry, and I was okay being that person. But when something went wrong in my life, you made suggestions that seemed to benefit you. You gave me advice as if I were someone you wished to be unhappy. Luckily for me, I was and am smart enough to realize that I can only count on myself for the honest answers. Luckily for me, you helped my eyes shoot open to reality, to the truth. I quickly understood that feeling sorry for you only fueled your unhinged craving for drama and empathy. At first, I beat myself up for rolling my eyes behind your back and telling myself over and over, “I’m so done with this!” I want to be your friend, still, after everything, because I know you need someone like me in your life. But there’s only so much a single person can give before they’ve been sucked dry. For your sake, I hope you realize this before it’s too late, because I won’t stick around forever. I won’t wait until you grow up and see what a horrible friend you’ve been. I won’t be here when you grasp how much you’ve needed me all this time.
Dedicated to all those who know what it feels like to be taken advantage of =)
This was an unsettling post. I couldn't help thinking as I read, "I wonder if anyone has ever felt this way about me?" It made me stop an analyze exactly what friendship is about. I guess the mark of a good writer is to make you think... well you have done that my dear.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you see it this way. I caught some crap from a few friends who felt that I was attacking them personally. I don't feel the need to explain myself here, but I was simply playing a role. Sure, a few things may be true, but in my opinion, if they "just know" it's about them, and they literally feel threatened, then maybe they should reevaluate the type of friend they truly are. I appreciate you acknowledging my ability to make you think. THAT is what I set out to do =)
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