Friday, July 19, 2013

too much

Is it possible that one can love too much, or too hard, or too strongly?  Is that such a thing?  I don't think so.  But if it were, is that bad?  I also don't think so.  I do believe one can love more than another.  And that's not necessarily a bad thing.  It doesn't mean the other doesn't love with all they can, it just means they don't have as much to give; maybe they are giving all they have and it just doesn't equal out.  Like person A has a cup of love to give because he/she possesses a measuring cup, but person B only has a 1/2 cup of love because he/she only has a 1/2 cup scooper... does that make sense?  I'm sure that may make person B feel inferior or pressured or scared, ya know that their love doesn't measure up to their partners'.  But the one doing more of the loving, person A, he/she doesn't know any different.  Person A knows that person B is giving all he/she actually has to give.  But does that mean that person A should only give 1/2 of their love?  NO.  It means that person B is the luckiest person on the planet that they could find someone who could love them so much and still be okay with what they have to offer.  Person B should not feel like person A's love is too strong or too much.  They should be grateful.

I feel like I'm being evasive and skirting around something, but I'm just curious if this is a thing?  I've always felt 100% loved by my husband.  I feel like I love HARD.  I feel like I can be overwhelming in my love for him and sometimes I wonder if that affects him negatively... does he think I'm overbearing or suffocating?  That I'm using my love to make him feel pressured or that it makes him feel less than what he is?  I hope not.  I'm not saying I love more than him, because I don't believe that, but I do think I'm more "in your face" about it.  He tells me all the time that he doesn't know where he'd be without me in his life.  He snuggles in with me at night and fervently whispers how much he loves and adores and values me.  He looks over when he sees a sweet commercial or hears a random comment on a movie and the love that he exudes just from that glance makes me melt.  And as much as I love that, let's be real it's not an everyday thing.  But for me, I tell him every time I walk into a room, "I love you so much."  When I'm around him I constantly want to be connected, physically, emotionally, spiritually.  I want his focus to be on me 24/7 even though I know that's ridiculous and impractical.  Is that too much?  Is that wrong?  My husband doesn't think so.  I've asked him and his answer was simply "no" and he reached for my hand.  There's not much room for misunderstanding there.  And in the past when I've asked him if he's bothered by my constant need/desire/drive to constantly be connected with him he's reassured me he doesn't want anything to change.

I do wonder what it feels like for people who actually, legitimately think they love more than their partner?  I don't want to know personally because I'm quite smitten with my relationship with my hubby, but I'm curious to know if this exists for people and what do you do about it if it does?

That's all.
Random wonderings that happen in my jumbled mind.

Until next time,

Thursday, July 11, 2013

6 weeks and 1 day

I miss home.
I miss mom.
I miss childhood and youth and what life used to be like.
But at the same time, I'm happy with my marriage and my husband and my tiny little 2 person, 1 dog family.  And I like the opportunities that the military has opened up for us.  I enjoy traveling and taking pictures and seeing the world.  Sure I wish we could go to more extravagant places more often, but I'm okay with the small little unknown corners of northern Italy - places you've probably never heard of but I'll look back on one day and say, "Those were the coolest adventures."  And we'll get there.  We'll get to see Spain and Greece and Egypt and Germany and Hungary and the UK and all those other places in between.