Thursday, December 31, 2015

New Year, not so new feelings

It's 8:44 am on a Thursday, one that happens to be New Years Eve and I'm eagerly awaiting it to strike 8:59, when my husband is going to call because it'll be one minute til midnight where he is. And it's dawning on me that this is the first time since we've known, been together, and loved each other that we aren't spending it AT LEAST in the same time zone, let alone with one another. Christmas was the same this year... first time apart in eleven years.

To say that these past six months have been trying is a bit of an understatement. YES, it could've been worse. YES, at least I'm with family. YES, at least some friends are close by. YES, I'm surviving perfectly fine (physically at least). And I'm trying my darndest not to complain here, honest to goodness.  But while most of you may be saying, "2016 is my year" and "Let's make this a fantastic year," (don't get me wrong, I want that for you, too), I'M just over here saying, "I just hope these next six months go quicker than the last six..." This will be the first year in ELEVEN YEARS that the first person I look to, give a big ole hug, and share a smooch with at the stroke of midnight is not my husband.  And it fucking sucks.

BUT I am taking stock.  I have made some great friends here over the past 1/2 year.  I have a pretty awesome job.  I've spent quality time with my family.  I've acquired TONS of new (mostly free!) books.  I've read TONS of books and knitted a bunch of stuff and played some kickass video games and rewatched Gilmore Girls episodes with my brother and started new shows with my mom and got my hair cut... YEAH there's tons of shitty shit in there too, but why dwell, right?  I will say one last time that I'm not looking forward to this evening - the beer maybe.  Hell, I didn't just run 3 miles and burn 700ish calories for nothing, mmmmkay?

And I have hopes for the coming year.  I'm excited for what's in store for my little family.  I'm excited to start a new adventure in a new continent/country.  I'm excited to pick out the place we'll live for the next 3 years.  I'm excited to see new places and eat new foods.  I hope to FINALLY achieve my weight goal (which I've been working at for like 2 years... I know.  I know.). I hope for lots of different things and I am trying to overcome my sadness and negativity and dig deep by reminding myself of it all.

And if you're wondering where I've been... I've been wondering the same thing.  I'm pretty sure it's cause my heart and soul isn't in my body.  I'll get it back eventually and then this will have been simply a year that sucked among many that were fantastic because we shared them with one another.

Don't drink and drive.