His namesake

I've been told many times that I've been named after him, but honestly, I've never really gotten more than that.  My entire life I've lived on the other side of the country from him, always wondering what it would be like to have a stronger relationship, always desiring a fill to that pseudo void I've felt for a more involved father-figure.  Whenever I do get the rare chance to see him (what, once every six years or so) he's always enthusiastic and makes me feel so important, missed, and loved.  I find him oftentimes giving me much more credit than I'm deserving of, but instead of correcting him, I relish in someone finding me fascinating, intelligent, and interesting.  When he's far away, he tries to keep up with all of his nieces' and nephews' busy lives, never lacking in showing support or enthusiasm in what's important to each of us.

I'm sure his day-to-day live is hectic and busy, with a wife, three children, and a grand-baby, but he seems to approach most situations with an open-mind, kind heart, and strong will.  He's had his fair share of obstacles and rough encounters but knows how to keep his head up and urge others to do the same when their lives don't follow the paths that they had planned for.  Watching how his  life and children have evolved and grown, and knowing that he's had a hand in that, makes me look up to him more now as an adult than I ever could as a child.  Now that I've started my own little family (consisting of a husband and a pup, but hoping to add some kiddos in the distant future), I find myself hoping that I become as content and approving of my own life as he seems to be with his.  I also hope that after being married for (ummm how many years now?) as long as he has I can still be as deeply in love with my spouse as anyone can tell he is with his own.

Ever since I started this blog, he's been my biggest supporter and most avid reader and today is his birthday.  This is for you Uncle Ray.  Know that I miss you and the Frankles daily, wishing I could've had the opportunity to bond more with each and every one of you over the years, but extremely happy with the chances I did get to spend with you and hope to still get in the future. I love you and hope that today is a reminder that the world was changed the day you were brought into it, and in the best possible way.

Symposium of Souls Continued (Part III)

                My mind was racing and my dry mouth was slightly agape.  I quickly snapped my lips shut and swallowed down the fear and erraticism, and as my scratchy throat was relieved by my salvia, it gave way to a stunned and mystified expression.

His widened eyes continued to glare into me, a desperate need for knowledge swirling around in his dark irises.  His features were hardened, almost as if he was on-guard, and he stood as if ready to burst open with anticipation.

“Well, though I wouldn’t have worded it quite the same way… I was wondering the same thing about you,” I finally managed to force out.

                His expression softened a bit and he relaxed onto himself.  He took a few steps away from me and finally realized I was no threat, giving into his better judgment and turning away from me.  While he reached up to run his long fingers through his black hair he spoke quietly to himself.

                “What the hell is going on?  This is insane… I shouldn't... feel like this.”

                “I know what you mean,” I blurted out.

                He whipped around, dropping his arms to his side, and gawked at me.

                “You know what I mean?” he questioned angrily.  “You know what I mean?” he repeated, this time more to himself then to me.  “What…” he forced out a lungful of air, “huuhhh… what is going on?” he asked completely defeated, staring intently into my eyes.

                My head began to swim.  His eyes so dark, yet inviting, and exuding so much warmth that I wanted to crawl inside them and live forever.  I could feel my heart ricocheting around in my rib cage, it’s constant and strong pounding the reassurance I needed to confirm I wasn’t simply frozen in a moment,and  I certainly wasn’t imagining any of this.  I forced myself to blink and found my words again, though I was sure my resonance wouldn’t even compare to the rich, low timbre he possessed.  With each word I spoke I took a small, unsteady step closer to him.

                “I don’t know what’s going on here either.  But I do know…” I licked my dry lips, “it’s completely unreal.”

                I was close enough to feel an electricity radiating from him.  My body reacted almost instantly to the thought and goose bumps rose all over me, a shiver starting on the back of my neck and unraveling all the way through my body, across my hips, to the tips of my nails, into my bones.  The thought of his essence washing over me and filling me was more than I could withstand and I felt as if I’d collapse under the images fluttering around in my mind.  I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, my nostrils flaring as the air quivered out of me.

                I felt pressure on my bicep and opened my eyes for a moment before realizing he was gripping onto me.  I stared at his strong hand, this extremity that was clutching onto me, permeating my flesh, searing warmth, desire, and the unknown into me.  I knew my hammering heartbeat was powerful enough that not only could he feel it through his grasp but he could hear it thundering through the bathroom.  I followed his arm up to his body, his steady, unyielding body, standing before me like an offering to some gorgeous goddess, though I was far from that.  I finally looked up at his face, etching every feature, curve, line, dimple into my memory.  I again felt that magnetism, that impulse to reach up and cradle his face in my palm, touch him; I wanted to master how his skin felt against mine, how his cheek literally conformed to the dimensions of my hand, however scientifically impossible it was.  But this time I resisted, though it physically pained me to deny myself what my entire body was screeching for.

                “I feel like I’ve known you for my entire life, yet I’ve never laid eyes on you.”

                He calmly and deliberately shook his head in understanding, taking a moment before responding, “What’s your name?”

                I had this uncontrollable urge to laugh.  Such a simple question for such a loaded encounter; it seemed almost unimportant given the circumstances.  I knew without knowing a single thing about him that I could love this man forever, yet the most pertinent question that rose to the surface of his mind was my name?  After a few moments, I realized just how fantastic it was that even when our bodies were most definitely fighting for each other, he was able to maintain a simplistic charm.  The magnitude of that hit me suddenly and I smiled softly, ready to answer him.

                “My name is Karman, with a ‘k’.”

                “Like karma?” he questioned automatically, his face lighting up at the thought of the universe playing some sort of matchmaking trick on us both.

                “Just like it,” I responded still intoxicated by how he lit up the entire room.  His smile warmed me from within and filled me with a longing to crawl up inside of him and never leave. 
               “What’s yours?” I asked looking so deeply into his eyes that I saw the answer before he even spoke it.

                “It’s Aristeo… yeah weird I know.  But most people just call me Ari.”

                “Not weird,” I responded, “just unique.”

                “My family is Greek and it’s a more modern version of a playwright who lived in Athens… it means best or happy or successful,” he shrugged in frustration with his rambling, which I found quite cute, “I dunno,” he finally finished.

                I stepped even closer to him and reached out to lay my hand on his chest.  I was unable to resist making contact with him any longer and if this was all I could get at this moment, I wasn’t passing up the opportunity.

                “I think it fits you perfectly,” I whispered.

                “What is going on?” he uttered softly, lifting his own hand to cover mine.  “This... these emotions, they,” he exhaled slowly, trying desperately to let the perplexity of the situation fade away, and clutched to me in the process, “frankly, they scare me a bit.  It’s like… if a car were about to hit you right now, I’d die to save your life, no questions asked.  Or… like I know that if I asked you to marry me right now, you’d say yes and we’d be together until death.”

                I sucked in a sharp gulp of air at the honesty and truth behind his words, knowing that I felt those exact same things, however insane it sounded.

                He continued, “How do I know that… when I don’t even know you?  This is like nothing I’ve ever experienced before, but it’s like I’ve been searching for it and didn’t even know it.”

                He let his hand trail down my arm and around my waist, eventually pulling me into him so that our chests were right up against one another.  His other arm snaked up and around the back of neck and he guided my face closer to his.  I trembled in anticipation of what I hoped was about to happen.  My eyes fell to his lips, those two plump, slices of pure ecstasy and joy advancing on me.  His tongue flicked out and brushed quickly against them, followed suddenly by his timid teeth unintentionally exposing the apprehension and sliver of craving he held for me. 

Involuntarily, my arms shot up and writhed around the back of his neck drawing him into me.  As my slender fingers twisted and entwined with the firm, pure strands of hair falling from his long neck, my mouth found his and my body exploded underneath my skin; if not for it, every ounce of unadulterated affection and devotion would erupt from inside me and drench every miniscule surface of the bathroom.  His kiss abdicated to mine, but he didn’t relinquish a smidgen of passion, instead allowing our malleable lips to bond in a way that was indescribable.  A fury of lust I hadn’t even paid consideration to imploded in my soul and I reacted as I’d assume an unrestrained beast would.  I pushed him up against the nearest wall and ripped his t-shirt over his head.  My heart was pounding, partially because this was not something I made a habit of doing, but mostly because I’d never done it before.  He reacted like a magnet, immediately rebounding and snapping back against me.  I fought with myself to stay level-headed, but this creature within me pushed away my common sense and perception.  He was all I could comprehend.  I wanted to tear into him, expose every particle of his being so that I might know him better than myself; I needed to discover what was making me hysterical with infatuation.

My lips smothered his bare chest with lavish kisses and I eventually maneuvered my way back up to his mouth, but he had other things in mind.  Before I had a second to react, he twirled me around and pressed me against the wall.  My shirt was up and over my head in moments and it was his turn to unearth his connection to me.  I welcomed it and allowed my inhibitions to dissolve away entirely, opening myself up to him in any way he could possibly long for.  His wandering mouth smoothed over every curve of my torso and when his face was in front of mine again, my only thought was to eradicate each obstacle keeping us from knowing one another inside and out.  I allowed my arms to slowly make their way down, and just as I about to give myself to him mind, body, and soul… someone pounded on the door.

We both jumped, startled at the now-obvious distraction, for we were standing partially naked in a public restroom in a university library.

“Hey… is anyone in there?” a deep voice on the other side of the door shouted.

Ari cleared his throat, desperately trying to calm his hammering heart and collect his sane mind before he responded, “Um… yeah we’re doing some construction, find another one.”

After a few moments of silence, he allowed his head to turn back towards me, both of us fighting to control our breaths.  He let his arm rise slowly, his fingers to brush my cheek.  My knees wobbled uncertainly and I could feel heat rising on my face, turning my skin a rosy shade of embarrassment at the way I reacted to such a simple touch.

“Maybe we should take a second to collect ourselves?” he asked, smiling at me in that way only he could.

I shook my head in agreement and stepped away from his touch.  I bent over to collect my shirt and after I was properly covered, I turned to find him in the same condition.  We both took deep breaths and I found that I was eager to speak to him, my regular amount of timidity completely non-apparent.

“Why don’t we go some place where we can talk… maybe before we do this?”

He chuckled and I thought I might die from the amount of pure delight I experienced from hearing it.

“That’s a good idea.”

He reached out for my hand and again I was hit with that feeling you get when you’ve walked into your home for the first time in a long time.  My heart swelled with immense adoration and comfort and I knew that even if soul mates were a thing of mythology or fairy tales, I was now a believer and eager to discover what else this beautiful stranger had in store for me.

Symposium of Souls Continued (Part II)

                 After too many hours had vanished and I’d wasted a sufficient amount of my time, I realized I had to gather up my pity and save face while no one knew what I’d done.  I composed myself and stood from the grass, already realizing I had to let go of the hold he had on me, and slowly allowing it to fade away.  I rose and began walking towards the library that enclosed the south side of the quad, detailing a mental checklist of the books I needed and trying with every ounce of my will to forget the mysterious man who'd been dropped into my perfectly boring life.  Just as the shadow cast by the top of the building engulfed me and dropped the temperature at least ten degrees, I blinked for a moment and clumsily crashed into another student crossing my path.

                “Oh, I’m so sorry,” I said, reaching out for the person’s shoulder to balance us both.

                “I’m not,” a deep, enveloping, almost feral voice rumbled out and wrapped around me.  I could’ve sworn if I wasn’t as close as I was, his voice would’ve been inaudible to me.  It made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up and my heart began beating quickly.  After a few moments of fear mixed with irrational desire spreading through my bones, I gradually lifted my head to scan this stranger’s face, only to be looking directly into the eyes of my mystery soul mate.

                My breath instantly caught in my throat and any ideas I'd previously had of forgetting this man vanished as if I'd never even thought them.  Almost involuntarily, my arm began to rise, my hand ready to touch this gorgeous creature.  The urgency that washed over me, to touch him, get to know him, feel him… it was as if this opportunity would disappear if I didn’t grasp onto it right here and now.  I tried reasoning with my reactions, using my uncanny internal wit and sarcasm against my own thoughts, trying to joke that this was some crazy dream that I'd been so engrossed in that it was like a spin-off of Inception.  All I had to do was initiate a "kick" and wake myself up.  However, as much as I tried convincing myself this wasn't real, I softly blurted out, "I've been waiting for you," completely stunned by my pointed honesty.

                "I'm sorry it took me so long," he responded almost instantly, staring me down with so much intensity I felt as if I'd melt under his gaze.

                When my hand made contact with his cheek, an instant pang of recognition burst through my body, like a violent déjà vu, and I instantly felt sad.  It was an odd sensation and it seemed to be written all over his features as well.  I tried to make sense of what was happening and the best I could come up with, though absurd, brought me back to the idea of soul mates.  If he was mine, perhaps we'd been parted and this reunion, though joyous and overwhelming, was sad because who knows how long our souls had been searching for one another.  I internally shook my head at this insanity and instead returned my attention back to the stranger.  He scanned me with his dark eyes, searching for explanation and understanding.  Up close, the previous assumptions I'd had of him, being a poser vintage-lover in a male-model's body wasn't all that off, but something about him made him unique and genuine in ways I didn't even know that I was able to decipher.  He quickly reached up and gripped onto my wrist, the same urgency I was feeling evident in his movements.  Without a word he yanked my hand down from his face, but instead of flinging my arm away, even though just the thought of that sickened me deeply, he turned with me still in his grasp and pulled me toward the library entrance.

                “Wh-where are you taking me?” I managed to question in a whisper, because though I was overwhelmed with unfamiliar emotions, I wasn’t scared, just curious.

                “Just… inside.  Somewhere more private.”

                “Okay.”

                Once we got inside, he loosened his grip on my wrist and moved his fingers to intertwine with mine.  As irrational as it sounded, his hand fit within mine perfectly, almost as if we were molded and broken apart from one another.  I gripped onto him, desperate to comprehend his persistence and eager to absorb every drop of his sweat permeating my hand.  Part of me was afraid for the reaction we were having to one another; this was anything but normal.  But a deeper part of me, one that screamed at my rationality to shut the hell up, it was swelling inside me, urging me to consume him entirely.  I realized how insane and utterly animalistic it sounded, but I was frenzied in the most overpoweringly amazing way.

                Before I had a chance to even comprehend it, this man yanked me into the secluded men’s bathroom in the back of the first floor.  Under normal circumstances, I would be screaming, biting, kicking, clawing, or doing whatever I could to get the heck away from him and to safety, but he felt so familiar to me, like home.

                “Anybody in here?” he hollered, his deep baritone echoing off the tiled walls.

                After a few moments of silence, he dropped my wrist, reached around me to lock the deadbolt into place and then stepped back to take me in entirely.

                “Okay,” he swallowed hard, “now… who the fuck are you?”

Part three, the final installment will be up probably tomorrow =)  Come back for more!!!

Symposium of souls

So I was on stumbleupon.com and came across this guy, http://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/4026.Pablo_Neruda

and I was instantly pulled in.  He's fantastic and I love his stuff, and it sort of inspired me to do something a little more animalistic/darker than I normally do.  That, combined with my fascination of Plato's idea that man was originally created as a being with two heads, four arms, and four legs that was separated by the Gods and cursed to forever search for their perfect other half has spawned this story.  This is part one of... um, probably three, but I might stretch it out further.  It'll take a little bit to really get to the intention of this little short story/novella, but background is key when making something worth reading, so bear with me.  Here's my attempt, hope you enjoy:

          I'd spent almost every free moment I had waiting for him to return here.  I'd been let down day after day and I'd convinced myself that this was the last time I'd do this; I'd have to squash my hopes of crossing paths with him again.  I'd only seen him a few times, and only ever from a distance.  I don't know if you believe in soul mates, but the idea of a perfect match being created and then released into the world only for you to have a minimal chance of meeting them is so astounding that the second I laid eyes on him, I became a believer.  He was rough and unkempt, but made it look so intentional that I found it easy to believe that he wanted people to have the impression that he was a bum.  Of course, for what reason, I hadn't the slightest idea.  His backpack was held together by duct tape and years of dirt and scum, and it was obvious his clothing was vintage.  Real vintage, like the stuff you find in your parent's attic, not the pretend shit that you can buy at Goodwill or those crappy "thrift" stores; no, this was the kind that Mom and Pop stowed away years before they brought you into the world, knowing that they had to grow out of the old ways they loved so much, but hoping that in the future, when they wanted to reminisce, they could simply go upstairs and rummage through their things to spark a memory that was long buried inside them.  Of course, he had probably jumped the gun, and out of a rebellious attempt at sticking it to them, decided he was going to claim the long lost things of their past as his own and sport them with indignant pride.

          I wasn't close enough to catch a whiff of him, but I imagined he didn't take the hobo look so far that he smelled of mildew and rotting flesh.  He looked clean and I got the distinct impression that he would smell like one of those Abercrombie stores, maybe not so obvious though, or at least I hoped.  His super dark hair was definitely not natural and his attempt at bed-head made him look surprisingly like a Rob Pattinson wanna-be, but not so much so that it repulsed me.

          The first time I saw him, he was reading under a tree in the quad and I literally laughed out loud to myself because he exuded this typical cry for attention and was taking this feeble stab at making him look "so retro" and one of those misunderstood guys so in touch with his feelings.  I was hardly about to give him a second glance, but he must have heard me mocking him from afar and looked up, a determined and serious grin spreading across his face.  His gaze locked on mine, making me feel this uncontrollable shiver inside my soul, however corny that sounds.  We shared more than the normal few seconds contact before the sounds of our surroundings encroached on our moment, but that was enough to ignite this irrepressible yearn I had for him, one that I didn't even know existed until the moment I realized he knew exactly what he was doing.  Thinking back, it sort of creeped me out to think that he knew he could reel me in in such a way, even though I initially found him quite cliché.

          After that moment, though, he got up and I didn't see him again for a few days.  At first, I tried to tell myself I was only returning to that spot because I wanted to, but I had only been there at that time, on that day, in that spot, because of other unforeseen circumstances that I knew weren't normal occurrences, like class getting canceled because the room where we met was flooded.  When he finally returned, I found myself trying not to stare at him, but instead, giving him a reason to stare at me, and I was hit with the realization that I had been jonesing for him, like he was a drug I was addicted to and I had been unable to get the necessary fix.  I'd deliberately worn an exceptionally attractive and revealing shirt and had taken the moment when he first sat down to slowly strip off my light jacket.  I used my fantastic peripheral vision to see that I had snagged a second of his attention, but he quickly diverted his eyes back to whatever brooding bromance novella he was so engrossed in.  I had come prepared, however, and knew that anytime he flipped a page, his head would be turned just so that he could see me out of the corner of his eye.  I waited, calculating my next move, trying desperately not to make it so obvious, so when my small window appeared, I decided I had to reach into my bag of tricks and pull out the classic hair-fall move.  I reached up and pulled out the furiously chewed-on pencil that acted as the pin in my French-twist hair grenade, allowing my long locks to explode out of itself and fall perfectly down my back and over my bare shoulders.  In the past, my hair had always proved a valuable weapon for me; its long, dark sleekness seemed to draw the attention of everyone around, males and females alike, and I'd been told more times than I could count how similar it was to the cartoon girl, Emily the Strange.  It was something I took pride in, to say the least, and I'd perfected using it to my advantage.  And it certainly didn't let me down this time.

          This time, I didn't hide my obvious attempt at making sure he saw me.  This time, I took charge and stared him straight in his eyes.  This time, I wanted to make an impression that would make him want to come back again for another glimpse.  A small and inviting, yet eerily dark grin crept over his lips, and I found myself becoming slightly aroused by the unknown yet enticing meaning behind it.  Before he could break our locked gaze, I reached down and swept up my books in my slightly shaking arms and stood from my perch on the giant stone steps.  Without looking back, I slowly sashayed away from him and into a hopeful future.

          But when I returned the next day, he wasn't there.  Nor was he there the day after or for the rest of the week.  Naturally, I assumed I'd made too bold a move and began to overanalyze and break down every gesture that I made, finally deciding if he couldn't handle the amount of fancy I purposely radiated, he certainly wasn't worth any more of my wooing.  Like any girl with a crush, because let's face it, that's exactly what this was, I spent a few nights out of my week coming up with completely unrealistic scenarios where he'd sweep me off my independent feet and make me realize exactly what I'd been missing in my life.  But getting my hopes up wasn't going to make the impact of rejection any less harmful, even if there was really nothing put out there to reject in the first place.

To Be Continued...

Hope you'll come back next week to read part two!