dedicated to my one and only

Today's media has us all wrapped up in these notions of perfect relationships that come out of these impossible situations. TV, movies, books, and songs have us thinking that the shy, quiet, smart girl is really a secret sex kitten who needs a rock-star or a millionaire philanthropist to drag her out of her shell and show her the true beauty of her and the world that's now opened to her (when it never was a possibility before). Or there are these handsome, deep, sad men out there who've had their hearts shattered and are desperately looking to find that one woman who can put them back together. Sure, I'm as much of a romantic as the next girl, and I'm entirely guilty of bawling my eyes out when I read something that moves me beyond this realm and even more guilty of writing love stories with ridiculous obstacles ending with happily ever after bliss... but let's get real here. Do people really think that's how life is? Is it how life is and I'm just completely clueless here? I mean, am I truly the minority? Do men these days really think the way us women writers make our protagonists out to be? All secretly emotional and brooding, just looking for that one girl to help them break away from their troubled pasts and find their one true love? I doubt it, but then again I could be wrong.


I've always thought and always will think of men as extremely sexual creatures. There's nothing wrong with that. Studies have shown that men's brains are hardwired differently then women. Again, there's nothing wrong with that. This world would be one constant state of PMS if that weren't the case. Hormones vs. testosterone is the true reality here. But people tell tales of men who want you for your heart and not your ass; that want you for your brains and not for how good you give head. Sorry, it's crude, but it's what I see everywhere and it truly makes me laugh. Men want sex - and hell, I'm woman enough to say that I do too! I can wish and hope all day that my husband would greet me with a different amazing surprise on a daily basis - a candle-lit bathroom with bubbles and rose petals filling our giant bathtub letting Ed Sheeran or William Fitzsimons waft their heavenly voices around me; or a night that holds a trip to the ballet followed by a three-course meal ending with him walking me through a beautiful park where he'll bed me in the small flower garden where no one can see us until the sun comes up. I mean - come on! I'm not saying that there aren't sweet guys out there, because I know there are - I have one. But the day he tells me, no honey we don't have to have sex tonight, I just want to stroke your hair until you fall asleep in my arms, I'll let you tattoo PESSIMIST on my face.


Being completely honest, it's great to think that these men of our minds really do exist, but while you're out there searching for this type of man, you're missing out on the real ones right here. They may be flawed, but they can love you in a way that you'll never see because you're too wrapped up in unrealistic expectations. I may have just been the luckiest girl in the world to get a man who I think is handsome, funny, gentlemanly, caring, faithful, encouraging, loving, and really good in bed :) My love story, my high school sweetheart fairy tale isn't all flowers and rainbows though. It's not like those you see being sold on the shelves of your local Barnes and Noble or the racks of Blockbuster, but it's mine and I cherish it every day. There was a point where I took it for granted, but I came to my senses and I look forward to spending the rest of my life loving the same man. I may swoon over those steamy, heated, emotional fictional adventures just as much as the next girl, but at the end of the day, I let my head settle back to the real world and I take stock of what's right in front me. I dream about a real man. For me, being comfortable with my partner is something I value more than any heated, rollercoaster-drama-filled affair. I fantasize about my husband, not some Mr. Darcy or Christian Grey that was created by taking a woman's favorite characteristics of many men and combining them into this impossible being. It's nice to hold-fast to dreams, as Langston Hughes told us, but if you spend all your time dreaming and not fulfilling or taking part right here on the earthly plane, you'll end up with only those dreams and no one to wrap their arms around you at night. You'll end up alone and sad, watching others around you take advantage of the people right here and now.



So, keep writing, keep reading, keep watching, keep listening, but pay attention. Don't get so lost and wrapped up in possibilities and hopes that you lose sight of certainty. Quit dreaming of love and actually fall into it. Quit looking for those men who you read about and find one who can make you happy and love you the way you want and need to be loved. Quit waiting around for that "right guy," pushing aside those who are right in front of you - quit waiting for the one you wish wrote that song that makes your heart swoon and find the guy that gives you butterflies with his shy smile or quick peck on the cheek. Love is a beautiful and fulfilling thing. If more people had sensible anticipations of who would fill their futures, maybe we'd be a happier society. Maybe we'd be more satisfied with ourselves and our lives instead of stepping on one another to always get that material object that we think will make us happy - money, power, fame, possessions. Quit telling yourself that no one can ever meet your expectations, which are impossibly high anyway, and start letting yourself go a little. Be honest with yourself and your hopes, and be practical.


I was, and I got it right on the very first try.


So go - do - be - see - and most importantly, follow your heart. Who knows where it will lead you, but when you get there, don't be so blinded by how it doesn't align with your impression of what your "destiny" should be that you let it fall from your grasp. Don't think that someone better has to come along and push aside the man you've found yourself in front of. Because that may be the man you've been praying to God to make your life so much more satisfying and complete.






Good luck.

Flashback

Do you ever have these vivid dreams where when you wake up you remember every detail?  Those are usually so weird that it's no wonder your brain can't forget them.  They're also the ones you wish you couldn't recall.  Ones that freak you out a little inside.  Ones that reflect the opposite of what you truly feel.  And I hate them.

Normally I try to explain them away to myself, Freud the hell out of what this could mean or what that represents.  But honestly - does anyone truly know what dreams mean?  Maybe they are just fiction, like what we see on TV or read in books.  Maybe they are things you wish you were able to do or didn't have the balls to do before.  Maybe they are predictions or glimpses into something that may come.  And maybe, just maybe, they're absolutely nothing but your brain going crazy.

I watched a show last night before bed and it had a woman who met up with a "blast from her past," so to speak.  It'd been 25 years since she'd seen this person and now she wondered if she should meet up with him to finally get "closure" that she felt she never got.  Well honey, you've gone 25 years, restarted your life, had more children, been successful in business - why the fuck would you ever think you needed closure?  You've OBVIOUSLY moved on.  That means, to me, that she isn't happy in the life she has and this man, this random man from years before, holds some sort of unseen power over her that she allows him to.  Cut him out of your life and move on.  Be grateful for what you do have and don't go tilling up past mistakes.

Which brings me to dreams again.  Last night I had a dream, one that when I woke up literally left a disgusting taste in my mouth.  I'm thinking that this show I watched brought up subconscious memories of a person from my past and created this fictional meeting that occurred in my dream.  In the end, I told this person off in a way I was never brave enough to in real life (and at one point I saw a bug crawling across the ground and squashed it under my shoe - decipher THAT one Mr. Freud... :) I could guess how I triumphed over my irritating pest problem).  In any case... it's annoying.  This person has been out of my life for over seven years and  never once have I wished I could meet up with him/her.  Never once have I missed him/her.  Never once have I thought "what if..." about him/her.  I was grateful when this person was out of my life and I've avoided this person at all costs.  I don't regret the time spent with this person because it made me who I am today, but to invade my mind, into my dreams, I feel sort of... I dunno, violated in a way.  Sure I was masterfully sarcastic, strong, and adamant towards this person in my dream but still... I don't want to think about him/her anymore in my dream state than I would in my waking one.

I like J.K. Rowling's idea of extracting memories.  Your head gets too full of shit you wish you couldn't recall, so you reach up, take it out, bottle it up, and pack it away for a teaching moment later down the line.  The only reason that I value the memories I have with/of this person is because I'll be able to relate to a similar situation if one of my future children ever experiences these types of scenarios (which so help me God if they do I'll rip my hair out because no one should have to go through what I did!) - but if they must, I can help.  I can relate.  It's good for parents to have a plethora of long ago moments and life choices to help their own offspring grow and develop and determine what they want their lives to be like in comparison to their parents.

Anyway - I'm getting off topic.  The topic being, what's the point of rehashing the past?  Why, when we feel most content with our lives, does our brain throw us a curve ball?  Why must our dreams affect our conscious  life?  I'm not saying I don't relish the idea of a steamy dream sequence with my amazing, sexy husband while he's 4800 miles away... c'mon now!  I'm just saying, these dreams they bring up thoughts and feelings that you've long ago filed away and have no intention of reliving.  I don't regret that part, but I certainly don't want to think about it just because it's Tuesday.  It's annoying.  It's tiring.  It's confusing.  It's hurtful.  And I'd much rather it stay buried in the recesses of mind rather than the forefront of my thoughts.

Bring on heavy rock music to wash it back away...
Only in times like these do I wish I drank.

Smashwords 3rd Annual Summer/Winter Sale

Ladies and Gents... Do you loveeee reading?  Do you like amazing discounts on the novels you purchase?  Do you have an e-reader or laptop capable of reading ebooks?  Wellll check this out:

Smashwords Summer/Winter Sale

July 1 - 31

Here in the Northern hemisphere, it's mid-summer.  Readers everywhere are loading up their e-reading devices for summer beach reading and vacations. But what about the good people South of the equator, who are now in the middle of winter? They deserve to curl up in front of the fireplace and enjoy a good read too! Therefore, we're kicking off the third annual Smashwords Summer/Winter Promotion!!

For an entire month a buttload of ebooks from Smashwords.com will be discounted from 25% off to FREE, including MY ebook, Temptation!!

Use coupon code SSWIN at checkout and receive a copy of my ebook for free!  (Click HERE to go directly to site)  Good for the entire month of July :)  AND know that I'm currently in the process of writing the second book in the series so... get a headstart now!  I'll even give you a sneak peek EXCLUSIVE RIGHT HERE right now from the 2nd book entitled Seduction.  So here it goes, never before seen by any eyes but mine.......

            I walked into the dingy, dimly lit club.  The last time I’d been here it had been illuminated entirely by strobe lights, filled with loud, pounding music, and flooded with sweaty bodies rubbing against one another.  Now, on a Tuesday late afternoon it was sad and weird.  The place was definitely not somewhere you’d go to admire the décor, and the five paying customers were being serenaded with really bad techno played as soft background noise.   I scanned the room for Naimah and it wasn’t hard to find her; she was sitting alone on a small, worn loveseat placed in the far corner of the room.

            Oh look, they proudly support exhibitionism and date rape.  The couches really make it convenient, I thought to myself as I stepped down onto the hardwood dance floor.

            As I slowly and cautiously approached her, Naimah’s head rose and a deep, dark smile spread out over her face as she purred, “Aww, lookie what the cat dragged in.”

            I stood about five feet from her and kept my back positioned so I could see the whole room.  Knowing her, she was bound to have brought some sort of backup – someone who wouldn’t hesitate to jump me and let her have her way with me.  “I’m here, okay,” I finally said.  “Let’s not play any games.  Just tell me what I want to know and I’ll be on my way.”

            She let out a loud, soulful laugh, letting her head roll back and her curly hair fall away to show her slender neck.  My eyes fell on the soft curves and rippling muscles and then followed her dark skin down to her exposed cleavage before I realized she was trying to distract me on purpose.  I pulled my eyes away and glared at her.  She produced a small pout and said, “Oh Jason, do ya not like what ya see?  I forgot it was so much harder to seduce a mark, ‘specially one as devoted as you.  I’m a little rusty darlin’ but I can give it another shot if ya want?”

            I cut her off, “I’m serious.  No games.  Now start talking or I’m leaving and going straight to Malcolm.”

            Her expression hardened and she let out another laugh, this one much darker and very serious, “Right… like you two are talkin’ again?  I doubt that hun, after that quick run away you did last time I saw you.  And if ya knew what I know about him, ya sure as hell wouldn’t go crawlin’ to him for help.  I’m guessin’ ya’ll haven’t talked since that night… am I right?”

            I swallowed hard and looked away from her.  After a few seconds she let out a puff of air.  “You’re no fun Jason.  Ya need to lighten up a little.  Come over here and sit by me.  I’ll help loosen ya up and I’ll tell ya everythin’ ya wanna know.  I promise.”

            Those last words came out in a low, bewitching hiss.  Against my better judgment, I began walking towards her.  I knew if I didn’t cooperate, at least a little, she wasn’t going to give me any information.  She was the only person who could tell me what the hell was going on.  Lillian was keeping things from me, my mother was in utter denial, and there was no way I was going to Malcolm.  She was my only chance to get some answers.

            I sat on the opposite end of the sofa, as far from her as I could get, but it wasn’t much use.  As soon as I sat down, she swiftly kicked her legs out from under her and rolled herself up against my right side.  She was hardly dressed conservatively and all of her exposed skin radiated a heat that made a sheet of sweat spread across my forehead – at least that was the excuse I told myself.  I clenched my jaw and tensed my entire body, anticipating her unwelcome touch and knowing how I would involuntarily react to it.  But much to my surprise, after a few moments passed by, she let out a soft chuckle and leaned back into her place without once making contact with my skin.  I relaxed, but only slightly.

            “Ya do know this is a give and take, right Jason?” she purred.

            I swallowed hard, completely understanding the terms we agreed on over the phone.  I managed to say with some strength, though I was anything but strong on the inside, “Let’s just get this over with.  You give me the information and I give you your… refill.”

            She put on a fake pout, “Poor baby… is that all ya think ya are?  Just a receptacle to fill and drain… over and over?  Is your lovely lady  not takin’ care of ya like ya deserve, sweet thang?” 

            Her words cut to my soul and I felt myself take in a sharp gasp of air.  She’d hit the nail right on the head and I didn’t know how to keep myself from giving that away.  

Is that teaser enough for you to see what the first book's all about???  If so... go buy my book Temptation right now!!  I mean hey, it's free... whaddya got to lose?  Just remember, the offer isn't valid until July 1st, so don't forget to go check it out!!  And Happy Independence Day!!

Enjoy (and thanks for reading!!)

End of an Era

It's hard to come to terms with the end of an era.
The act of growing old, growing up, changing.
What happens when one is stripped of that childlike innocence and instead filled with the overwhelming next step of adulthood.
The life cycle at its finest.
When you're young you think that things will always be as they are; maybe you'll just look at them differently without those rose-colored glasses that have blocked out the years of experience you've yet to obtain.
When you're young you think that the people you've always held dearest to you will be the same ones you hold dearest as you experience your first love...
      your graduation day...
          that fairy-tale proposal...
               your wedding day...
                    that first major step into securing the future you want...
                         the birth of your first child...
                              anything that is a stepping stone to the next big moment of your life.
But it's all just wishful thinking

In reality, everyone changes, bear in mind to differing degrees.  No one person can say that they are the same at age 25 that they were at 18 or that they were at 10.  With the continuous play that is life is the constant of unknowing.  You maintain some key morals and standards and the enveloping essence that is YOU, sure.  You may even hold on to those things you swore you'd never do or say just to prove people wrong, but in the end... we all make mistakes, we all grow, we all learn, and we all CHANGE.  It's not so much that I have a problem with the changing itself - I mean what's the point of all this if we don't develop, evolve, adapt?

No... what I have a problem with is the person who changes to hurt others, to be spiteful, to purposefully forget those who've been there through those tough changes.  When you change so much that the person who you were at your core is nonexistent, no longer present.  When the person who you grew into from toddler to kid - the person you are completely unadulterated, without the poison of society having affected the real you yet - when that person vanishes.  Because that is voluntary.  That is deliberate.  That is cruel.  Because the people around you are the ones who help mold you - help nurture you - help you change.  Everyone in a different way and providing varying amounts, yes.  But we put effort and time and love into the foundation with an expectation that you would always have a place in your heart for us.  That you will always remember what we did to help you become the you that you are now.

When I'm forgotten, pushed away, neglected... it pisses me off.  I feel like I was robbed, used up, cast aside after ringing every ounce of love and compassion I had in me and gave to you.  It hurts more than words can say and it's the hardest thing to have to get over - realizing that I wasn't worth keeping in your life and being a constant presence like I once was.  I think why?
     Why did I waste my time?
          Why didn't you keep me?
               Why did you drain me?
                     Why do I still care now?

And the answer is simple.  Because I love you.  Because love is the strongest bond to break.  And I can't not love you.  It hurts the worst, especially when that love is meant to be unconditional.  Whether it's a friend, a family member, or a lover... love isn't supposed to have limits.

As family, you have no choice but to love, even when you know in that moment that you hate that person.  God created you to share your life with this person and you have no say.  You're brought up to share in each other's memories and expect each other's presence.  You take it for granted.  You assume it's the same for them as it is for you.  You'd die for that person, sacrifice anything you have for that person, love that person until the day you die.  And you're taught you aren't supposed to expect anything in return because that's what family is.  When that person doesn't have anything left to give, you accept it and you help them.  When that person is dried up, you give them what you have and you don't expect to get it back.  When that person treats you like the scum of the earth, you grit your teeth and bare it and hope for them to return from that darkness.  And when it's your turn to be in that funk, you know they'll reciprocate.

Or at least that's how we're raised.
That's not always how it turns out.
And that's the change I'm talking about.
     The one that is voluntary.
          The one that is deliberate.
               The one that is cruel.
                    The one that simply isn't fair.

And there comes a point, there has to come a point, where you've given everything you can, been drained dry as a summer desert, been treated like the worst kind of person and you realize you can't do this any longer.  No amount of nurture, nature, teaching, or training can prepare you for the moment when you've hit your wits end.  Because in theory, that moment should never come.  It's meant to be a give AND take and those moments of give are always meant to be temporary.  You're taught not to expect a return but you are taught to expect help when you are in need.  So when you need and nothing is thrust in your direction, you're hit with emptiness and longing and anger and utter trepidation.  And eventually there comes a point when you realize you're waiting for something that isn't going to happen.

And at that point is when you know that end of the era has finally arrived.  That change has taken over that person who has been there for you in the past and stripped them of the essence you've come to know and love and expect.  And your heart breaks because you know you still love them and you know they'll still be in your life always but now you can't like them anymore.  You can't see past the hurt and pain and anguish they've caused you and everyone around you.  No matter how many times you've tried opening their eyes to
the reality they've created, nothing you do helps and you feel utterly useless, like you've failed them somehow.

It's sad.
It's draining.
It's exhausting.
It's the end of an era.
And it's hard to accept.

The Night

                The darkness engulfed her and she reached out for him involuntarily.  She expected her cold, fragile fingers to grasp onto flesh, heat, life.  But when she met the cold starchy sheet, her heart immediately began pounding in her chest.  Frantically she rummaged around under the covers, their weight increasing with every swipe she made.  After a few seconds she sat straight up in bed and begged her eyes to adjust to the absence of light.  She saw bright white spots in her vision as her eyes strained to take in her surroundings.  For a panic filled moment she couldn’t even remember the layout of her own room.  It took a few moments to regain her bearings and recollect where she was.  Then she began searching the room, looking for him.  Had he gone to the bathroom so early in the morning?  Maybe he’d run to the kitchen for a cold glass of water to help wash away the heat that a few hours’ sleep can bring on.  Or maybe the dog needed to be let out and he’d return to her in a few moments.

                She strained her ears to hear every miniscule sound that came in the dead of night.  She heard the buzz of the electricity coming from her alarm clock and the whir of the fan overhead.  She picked up the ice falling in the freezer and even the dull bass of a passing car.  She could even hear her dog’s soft snores from the corner of the room.  That ruled out the walk she thought he might have gone on.  Slowly she shifted her weight and allowed her legs to fall to the ground beside the bed, her toes softly embracing the thick carpet as they made contact.  Her eyes scanned everything in front of her and for a moment she feared the worst – there had been an intruder and he’d been injured; she was going to find him lying dead on their living room floor.  But as she rounded the corner of the hallway, she was met with an emptiness only a still, silent house can possess.  Empty.  Still.  Silent.  Nothing.

                Where was he?  Had he run to the store for some midnight craving?  Had he went outside with a phone call so as not to disturb her?  She made her way through each room of their home, eagerness and fear coming out of her in the form of shaking hands and sweaty palms.  She could literally hear her hardened pulse in her head and feel it taking over her temples and throat.  She swallowed hard, unsure how to handle these irrational thoughts swirling through her mind.  She told herself to calm down, get a handle on her emotions.  She yelled at herself to think logically.  She stood in the middle of the living room and ordered herself to be still.  She closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths.  When she opened them again, a picture on the wall caught her attention.  As the light from the streetlamp outside cast itself upon the glass of the frame, reality came tumbling over her.  She stood face to face with her husband’s picture – him in his service uniform.  She crumpled onto the sofa and curled up into the fetal position, letting sobs and sadness overtake her.

                Of course her bed was empty, her house only holding her human form.  She was alone and he wasn’t there.  He couldn’t be there.  He wouldn’t be there.  There was no late night trip to the store or quick sip of water that had taken him from her bed.  It was his job, his duty, his life as an airman.

                After a little while, her cries fell silent and her momentary lapse in memory resolved.  Reluctantly she made her way back to her empty bed, no one awaiting her return.  And as she crawled under the covers and sent up a silent prayer for strength, she whispered, “I love you” and closed her eyes, ready for sleep to take over and erase the night.

A Series of Ridiculous Events

I've always regarded myself as a strong, stable, independent woman.  But recently, within the past six months or so, I've discovered that in fact I am a weak, overly emotional, dependent, girl.  Don't get me wrong, I love my husband and the way he lifts me up and how much we both lean on each other, but this feeling of helplessness is getting annoying.   Struggling to get out of bed because I don't want to face the day without him.  Not wanting to do anything fun because I don't want to smile if he's not around.  Not being able to look on the bright side of things because everything looks gloomy when I can't share things with him.  I can't decipher if it's an utter lack of fortitude and backbone on my part or if this is the way it's supposed to feel.  I scream to God that all I want is to be with him - that is why I married him, to be with him.  I didn't devote my life to only his because I want to spend my days and nights crying, frowning, saddened, and immobile.  I married him because I want to spend time with him, kiss him whenever I feel the urge, begin and end my days with his head on the pillow beside mine, see the world (or at least the US, but that's turning into a more literal interpretation!), and make a family and a life together.  But that seems like an impossibility, or at least that's how my emotions are interpreting these turn of events.

Of course I do get out of bed, I do smile, I go out and do some fun things, I spend time with family because soon I won't be able to, and I'm productive in multiple ways.  I know that only I can change how I'm feeling and how I spend my time - I don't believe in depression and I don't feel I am "depressed."  I know what I have to do and I do it, but it seems that the pent up frustration and emotions come out in the form of anger towards my husband.  None of this is his fault - he didn't choose this profession and this lifestyle so that we'd be apart - but no one else can take what I have to say and grasp how I'm feeling in my own way except for him and he seems to be getting the brunt of all this.

If I had a timeline or a deadline to this separation, I think I'd be coping much better.  I'd have something other than "soon" to look forward to.  I wouldn't have to take a deep sigh and steel myself before answering, "When are you leaving?" knowing the only answer I have is "I DON'T KNOW!"  I'd know when I'd get to be with him again, and I'd know it'd finally be for longer than a week.  Out there in the world, I know there are other women who go through so much worse when it comes to their husbands who are serving.  They have year-long deployments or a husband who gets sent to a hostile environment.  So next to them, I seem even more petty and even more pathetic.  And I feel for them and I'm sure that at some point in the next 20 years I'll have to experience that and I'll utterly fall apart.  But for now, this is the hardest thing I've had to do and it's hell.  It's hard.  It's frustrating.  And I don't like it...

          but I'll do it.  Because I love him.  I love us.  I love what is going to be.  I need to find a way to get through this without taking it out on him or other people that I love.  I need to buck up and grow a spine.  And I need to stop complaining about it because I knew what I was going into before we started this journey.  I chose this too, and even if it's the hardest thing I've ever done, for him I'd do anything.

Tech School Trip #4 - The Final One

This is a long one, with lots of pictures - so get prepared :)        

          In case you didn't catch the last post - we got some slightly upsetting news.  This was supposed to be my final trip to see my Airman, and at the end of it, he was supposed to be coming back with me.  However, things changed and he had to have a tooth pulled, setting back his medial clearance until his mouth heals completely, which in turn set back his orders being finalized.  I easily could've pushed this trip back until we knew for sure when he'd be coming home, because I honestly don't know if our car can continue to handle these trips, but this week (May 1st to be exact) marks our One Year Wedding Anniversary and I wasn't about to miss that!  So after making his anniversary gift:

and buying his anniversary card:

I headed off to see him as soon as his tooth was pulled, getting to him as soon as I could to make sure he was well taken care of  (awwwww :] I know).  As soon as I picked him up and headed back to the room that would be my home for the next week, he pretty much passed out - I mean he had just had a tooth pulled, was taking some serious meds, and hardly slept the night before.

Poor Baby :(

          When he woke up a few hours later, he was quite refreshed and ready to go do something fun - I think the painkillers were still running through his system?!  After some hesitation on my part and a lot of reassurance on his part, plus the encouragement of his three buddies in crime, the five of us hit the town.  We got some amazing food, had some interesting conversation, and then went and saw "The Raven," which all the guys (surprisingly) thought was just bloody and crazy enough!  It was a very fun night and I was glad that the fellas connected so well with me!
          The next day (Saturday) we were planning on just relaxing - I really thought he needed to take it easy! - but when we got a call around 4pm from the guys asking us to go the Hard Rock Cafe with them, we began rethinking our night's plans.  After deciding we would rather save our money instead of easily dropping $100 on dinner, we had a quick meal and went bowling with a few of the guys instead.

Bowling Fools :)

          Sunday was the lazy day!  We laid around in our jammies, watched some TV, played some Skryim, and I gave my love an early anniversary gift - a pedicure!  Now I dunno how many of you have seen the feet of someone who has had to get used to wearing combat boots anywhere from 10-20 hours a day, but lemme tell you it isn't pretty.  My husband's feet were in desperate need of some TLC - so I took care of him, along with a leg/foot rub of course, and he loved every minute of it!

Of course he took a nap at one point (he wouldn't be my husband if he didn't catch some Zzzz's throughout the day) and I snuggled as much as I could since he wouldn't be staying the night with me again during my trip.  We had some wings for dinner and I took him back to his room around 930 :(
          Monday was a bad day for me.  After being told at 5am that I'd only be able to extend my stay on a day-by-day basis for the next three days, I got up and got ready for the day.  I had high hopes that things were going to be productive.  I headed to the Airman office where you get your passport, and after spending an hour there, I was informed I would not be going with my husband when he left for Italy.  Instead, I was going to have to wait up to three months to follow him and pay $500 out of pocket for the visa.  Sure, we'd get reimbursed, but I wonder how long THAT will take??  Yeah.  I got my medial papers cleared and returned to my lonely hotel room where I proceeded to bawl my eyes out for the next two hours.  I had to wait on my husband to get out of class, get cleared by the medical people, attend a briefing, and go talk to the people in passport office to finalize paperwork before I had anyone to talk to about my radical emotions.  Things were looking up when we were later told that we could "divert," which is basically, tell them "Thanks but no thanks" on Italy and we'd make another wish list for STATESIDE bases (which trust me, I was all for).  We did that, and got our hopes up that things would be a little easier for us - no currency or electricity conversion, no waiting on furniture and vehicle to arrive months after we do, no learning a new language or a new country, no medical records/shots/immunizations for wife and pet, the list could continue on and on and on.  It would be a few days before we heard back about what would come of all this...
          Tuesday was our one year wedding anniversary and it didn't start off too well either.  I called at 5am to be told that they weren't extending any reservations because they were overbooked, which meant if I wanted to stay (which, hello of course I do!) I'd have to find some place off base to accommodate me.  I decided to call again at 830 to see if anything had changed (nope) and again, one last ditch effort at 1030 (again nope!)  So after packing my car with all my stuff all by my lonesome, I headed over to checkout and man was I one lucky duck!  I explained my situation to the lady at the desk and she found me a place to stay for the next two nights - only downside was I had to share my bathroom with a neighboring room!  Hell, I didn't care as long as I was with my husband, whom by the way, I didn't even get to see or speak to until well after 3pm.  BUT I was lucky enough to get to stay on base and get to see him, let alone spend some time with him, so I was thanking God for his amazingness and making things work out.  After checking in to my new room, I spent the next few hours getting ready for a night out on the town!

          I had to pick him up because it was 90+ degrees and I wasn't going out with a sweaty beast for the night simply because I wanted HIM to pick ME up =)  He took me to the Hard Rock Casino (my first casino ever!) and we played some slots and enjoyed the atmosphere.  We ended up coming out on top, winning our money back plus about $12 WOOHOO :)  Then, we had reservations at Ruth's Chris where we enjoyed a fabulous (albeit EXPENSIVE - but it was worth it) dinner, and hey it came with free chocolate cake.  We did have the top of our wedding cake at the hotel, but we were so stuffed that we decided to enjoy it the next day!!  After dinner, we went to the beach.  It was pretty close to sunset, so we walked up and back holding hands and in bare feet and ended the night back at the hotel room with about an hour to spare before he was due back in his room.  All-in-all it was a pretty solid night and I can't wait to celebrate many, many more anniversaries with this amazing man :)

          Wednesday was GRADUATION DAY and my mom had come in around midnight so she could be there to support him as well!!  We (Mom and Me) headed to the graduation room around 830 (the first ones there of course).  The ladies who coordinated graduation were nice enough to let my love know we had arrived, and he and his buddies were able to come into the room and hang out before the ceremony kicked off, giving me a chance to get some decent pictures of everyone :)

Then the ceremony started and it took literally 19 minutes from start to finish - short, sweet, and to the point :)  They recognized us for attending (there was only one other family member there :( but apparently that's normal?!) which was a bit weird but very thoughtful, they got their "diplomas," a power-speech by the "Vice Commander" (I think he was a major), and then they got dismissed and had this hand-shake "receiving line" sort of deal which I thought was cool, where you go to congratulate each individual graduate for his job well done :)  Then my love had to go back to his squadron and take care of last minute paperwork and find out the news on our "divert."

After we got back to the room, I got the call from him -  the one that confirmed we had, in fact, gotten our hopes up :(  He HAD to go to Italy because they'd already invested $100K in him (classified clearance, PRP clearance, and base prep).  I'm still a little upset about it all - sure Italy is exciting, but it's for THREE YEARS and I just don't want to have a complicated and confusing first experience PCSing!  OH WELL though right?!  There's nothing I can do about it and it's an opportunity I wouldn't get any other way.  I'll just have to suck it up that we'll be separated without hardly ANY contact for up to 3 months and learn to deal with the fact that my opinion, wants, and needs no longer have any bearing on what actually happens in my life.  Welcome to the military, sweetheart!
          The rest of the day was good, though.  We went out to dinner with some of the other graduates and I met a few new people, and it was nice.  For the most part, the trip was great, except for that looming presence overhead that kept reminding me that I was about to embark on the most insane and terrifying experience of my life without any information upfront.  I'm so drained from the massive amounts of crying I did because of this move that I can't even conjure up the words I want to say about how I truly feel about everything that's happening.  All I know is that my husband is on his way home to me and I'm going to enjoy every moment of his 11 days of leave.

AND HEY - WAIT...

For being amazing readers and sticking with me through this beginning journey, and in honor of my ONE YEAR WEDDING ANNIVERSARY here's a little treat from me to you:

This is a coupon code for a FREE DOWNLOAD of my self-published ebook, Temptation available on Smashwords.  I'm hoping to have the second one in the series available for purchase by the end of this summer, so be on the lookout :)  And thanks again for being avid readers!!

Until next time...